Step Nine: Don Coscarelli's JOHN DIES AT THE END

 JOHN DIES AT THE END

Chase Williamson, Rob Mayes, Paul Giamatti, Fabianne Therese, Clancy Brown. Dir. Don Coscarelli, Magnet, 2012

I first watched JOHN DIES AT THE END in May 2021. I saw a brilliant, self aware satirical scifi-horror movie I thoroughly enjoyed. BUT.

SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!! John does not die at the end. He dies halfway through, & not for long. SPOILERS CONCLUDE!!SPOILERSCONCLUDE!!

I had a few Jack&Diets that night. My sense of literalism threw a temper tantrum. I threw a tantrum. In the generally forgettable PENN & TELLER GET KILLED Penn&Teller do, in fact, get killed. They die at the end. I expected the same approach from PHANTASM's Don Coscarelli, & he partially delivered, killing John, if not at the end.

In a fit of inebriated pique, I wrote the following piece, which my subsequent writeup replaces. JOHN DIES AT THE END is great scifi-horror-satire. Why can't Don Coscarelli get movies made every year? It's a crime.
*****

SPOILER ALERT!! He doesn't.

Because he doesn't, I'm ignoring all this film's many virtues. I'm ignoring its anarchic sensibility. I'm ignoring its hyper-aware self-referential humor. I'm ignoring its deliberately-cheesy effects. I'm ignoring Paul Giamatti, who exec produced and gives a terrific performance, and veteran character actor Clancy Brown, who has a great deal of fun.

I'm ignoring everything that ought to make me ecstatically recommend this movie. If the title is John Dies at the End and John doesn't die at the end, the best you can say of yourself is that you're too clever for your own good. The worst you can say is that your film is a lie and a failure.

John Dies at the End is too clever for its own good. Fail. 

*****

YIKES, what an asshole. I'm a surly drunk. Please permit me to make amends with my real reaction, affirmed in my 2nd viewing Friday 25 Feb, 2021.

What if you took a shot of a black substance the kids call "soy sauce" & it allowed you to remember the future? What if it causes most who try it explode? What if existence is just a willful delusion to prove a point? What if AI retains a remnant humanity to keep it fed?

What if none of that mattered? What if Chase Williamson's deadpan voiceover narration & affectless performance as straight man to the Apocalypse matters more than all the brain-breaking, giggle-wrenching, hallucinatory action exploding around him? What if the "point" of Coscarelli's film is to take the piss & tell as many jokes as possible & - well, that.

Paul Giamatti, who exec-produced this gòod natured fracas, must have an awesome sense of humor. JOHN DIES AT THE END works as nothing so much as an elaborate shaggy dog joke, a monumental prank, 90 minutes of inspired bedlam adding up to nothing much at all. Which somehow fails to weaken the movie.

JOHN DIES AT THE END has an unfinished quality, functioning mainly as a stylistic exercise, both visually & in characterization, yet it's impossible to deduct points for that. The film never promises to be anything more than a goof. That it's often a transcendent goof speaks to Don Coscarelli's particular set of skills.

I'm sorry for smartass, drunken writeup. I hope this latter rave cancels out the former's ignorance.

-- RW