Skip to main content

Straight lemons: Miguel Sapochnik's REPO MEN

 Jude Law, Forrest Whitaker, Liev Schrieber, Alice Braga. Dir. Miguel Sapochnik, Universal, 2013


Building a movie collection through thrifting/scavenging, I have to gamble. I find plenty of stuff I recognize and kind of remember hearing about but I'm not sure, so if it's a buck or two, I take the chance. Sometimes, like with THE BEAST or SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS or LOGAN LUCKY, I go home a winner.

Sometimes, alas, I also get movies like REPO MEN. If REPO MEN only sucked, if it started bad and went nowhere, that would be one thing. A straight lemon. 

REPO MEN, though, started out cherries, an intriguing premise, good cast, cool-looking dystopian world, and built my sympathy with Jude Law's Remy, an artificial-organ repo man, sent out to repossess hearts, livers, pancrii et al whose recipients can no longer pay. The recipient can be transported to an ER, but only patients with good credit live.

Law kills people for a living, with legal sanction, but most of society, especially the upwardly mobile middle class to which Law's wife, Carol (Caroline van Houten) wants to belong, despise what he does, and him and his best friend, Jake (Forrest Whitaker), by extension. Carol wants Remy to move into sales for the biotech company which manufactures and sells the organs he repos. Jake and Remy see that as hypocrisy, and their boss, Frank (Liev Schreiber) doesn't want to lose his best worker. 

From the start, Law plays Remy as a doting father and husband who is also, at times, not a nice man, at all. It's a promising dichotomy, and its consequences in their world feel real and dire.

Until, in the middle of killing a compliant musician, played by the RZA, Remy shocks himself, instead, and suddenly the frame freezes, and we're launched into a frenetic, jazz-scored flashback montage of Remy's history of KOs, replete with crazy topless strippers, and the movie's tone turns on a dime from a cool character piece to this smartass-scifi-actioner that plays like two separate pieces. Remy is traumatized to discover himself now a heart recipient, and thus a client as well as repo man, devastated when Carol shuts him out of their family, and is torn by the dilemma.  Meanwhile Schrieber and Whitaker turn into the guys from OLD SCHOOL, their scenes suddenly excuses for t&a or random gore. 

I went from liking and being interested in these characters to thinking Law a contemptible fool, Whitaker and Schreiber just contemptible, in the space of about ten minutes. I bought REPO MEN, invested in it, and now feel ripped off and disappointed. 

Critics loathed REPO MEN, too, so it's not just me. The few remarks I saw online don't capture the number the picture does on a viewer's expectations. The first half hour of REPO MEN plays like a dream, blackly comic, gory, smartassed, Law doing voiceover narration as only Law can, Whitaker ringing changes on Yaphet Kotto in ALIEN, and then - 

what the fuck? Why is the screen full of naked people and loud music? What's going on? The RZA looked ready for a spiritual epiphany, go back!

Nope. It goes forward into being a snarky gorefest trying to distract me from understanding it's a classic you-can't-ever-quit-the (fill in your pick here: cops, mob, unspecified and morally-dubious "business") picture. REPO MEN wants to ring some cool changes on a "you can't quit, man, you're the best we've got" storyline, but someone at Universal convinced GAME OF THRONES director Miguel Sapochnik to ring them with plenty of splatter and naked sex-workers. 

Which he does, utterly wrecking a sweet setup and promising payoff in the process. GoT never shied from gratuitous flesh&blood, yet I get the feeling Universal's fingerprints are all over this crimescene.

REPO MEN committed an unforgivable offense. It disappointed me. I'm ok with movies that anger me. Some of those, I can at least argue, were effective. Movies that disappoint me, however, that don't deliver on their promise, and for no good reason, become my sworn enemies. No forgiveness. 

REPO MEN, for its 20 minutes of high promise, earns a special place on my list. Fuck this movie. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Mediocre be thy name: John Gulager's Zombie Night

 Anthony Michael Hall, Daryl Hannah, Alan Ruck, Shirley Jones. Dir. John Gulager, The Asylum, 2013 For those unaware, The Asylum is a film production company specializing in cheapo horror and action titles, most subgeneric ripoffs of whatever horror/scifi/action titles are popular that year. Referred to as "mockbusters," these low budget achievers look like their big-money brethren, often featuring solid B-list casts, as Zombie Night does. Though The Asylum has attracted a following, the more serious, hardcore fans of el cheapo horror (et al) tend to turn up their noses at most Asylum product. Marc Edward Heuck, Our Man in the Valley, summed it up thusly: "I don't watch much Asylum fare, because frankly they're not awful enough, they're just mediocre. Like, they're not content to just have the monster or the topless girl and the requisite scenes therein and otherwise leave talent alone to be unique like Roger Corman was, they micro-manage all the pe...

I love Twinkies: Tommy Lee Wallace's IT

 Harry Anderson, Richard Thomas, Dennis Christopher, Tim Reid, Annette O'Toole, Tim Curry. Dir. Tommy Lee Wallace, Warner Bros., 1990 I had one problem with the 1990 TV movie (run over two nights back in '90, NBC called it a miniseries, but as a dvd-feature it runs three hours and six minutes, a little longer than Avengers:End Game) and it's a big one. I loved all the stuff with the cast as kids, in the first part. Only Seth Green among them went on to be household-name actors and their anonymity at this remove gave their performances a spontanaeity and freshness that helped me buy them as screen versions of the novel's characters. The adult versions, essayed by an ensemble of B-listers and small screen stars, however, didn't do much for me.  I'm willing to lay that off on a poor screenplay to some extent, but IT proves definitively that Harry Anderson, despite two hit sitcoms, cannot act. At all. It goes on to prove that Richard Thomas, Dennis Christopher, An...

Cuck Fiction: Charles Vidor's GILDA

 Rita Hayworth, Glenn Ford, George MacReady, Steven Geray. Dir. Charles Vidor, Columbia, 1946 My favorite erotic fiction deals with cuckolding. The stories fascinate me. As people, cuckolds don't seem to think they're worth nice things. Or happiness. On the other hand, the cuckolding partners and their multiple lovers don't come over as the clear victors, either. Part of the fascination - maybe most of it - lies in trying to decide which party comes out the MOST degraded.  Is it the submissive, sensitive husband and his unsatisfactory size/staying power? Is it the "slutwife" who finds satiety in being transformed into a fuckdoll to humilate her husband? Or is it the lover - often black - who gets to degrade the sexy white lady but who doesn't otherwise matter? As in bdsm scenes, if the cuck is most degraded, that means he also "wins," as his desires to see his wife turned into a promiscuous slut while he gets to be bi without shame are most fulfi...